Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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