Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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