He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
