He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
