when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
