2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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