My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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