at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had to cum in my sink.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
