We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
