I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
