if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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