I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
