I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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