youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
