Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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