I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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