Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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