HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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