some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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