I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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