Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
