Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
