I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
