I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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