Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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