mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
