She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
one might say we're banned from that church
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
