Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
