It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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