my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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