Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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