His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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