I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
