on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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