I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
