I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
