paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
