My friends, they love my intelligence
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
