i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
