All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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