Small penises have feelings too.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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