It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
