Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
