I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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