Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
