Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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