He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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