shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
