my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
