I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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