i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
