So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
