You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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