Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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