she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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