It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
