My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
