forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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