So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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