Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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