I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
