a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
