I'm gonna have a badass scar
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
